I was excitedly telling my girlfriend my kickass idea for this script and how stoked I am about writing. Then I told her how my fan club president (that’s you, Joe) has asked about seeing a page or two and that I couldn’t wait to put up the first page.
That’s when she shot me down.
I’m not allowed to post the first page, or any page, until I finish it and get it registered with the WGA. Apparently, she can see my genius and thinks some assclown is just sitting at their computer, in a white tee stained with BBQ Lays residue where they wipedÂ their pudgy little fingers,Â waiting to steal my brilliant idea. Assclowns ruin all the fun.
Â Last night, I read my girlfriend’s script, or as I refer toÂ it ‘competition exhibit A,’ and my first thought was ‘whoa’ because she trimmed it down from like 150 pages to 118. Actually, that whoa was more like ‘fuck’Â as in ‘fuck me, I’m about to get served.’
So, I got out my handy-dandy Hollywood movie formula checklist to see if she hit her marks.
- Page 1, place, time, POV, mood established? Check.
- Page 3, theme and central question established? Check.
- Page 10, set it all up and reel ’em in? Check.
- Page 30, see what hero needs & the obstacle? Check.
- Page 45, clue to resolution? Check…dammit.
- Page 60, point of no return, obstacles escalate? effin check.
- Page 75, beginning to look like hero isn’t going to make it? *sigh* check.
- Page 90, hero will get something different? ah, cripes. check.
- Outcome, the outcome is that I just might be screwed. This is the tightest script she’s ever written, by Hollywood standards. I gots to step up my game yo.
I had someone ask me if there isÂ a deadline to this contest – the answer is no. It could end in 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years…who knows? It only ends when one of us sells. Her script versus mine. Now, she’s kind of cheating since her script is done. AND she entered it into some fancy pants contest yesterday. But that’s okay, it doesn’t matter if she cheats. I will be the one doing the victory dance.