With Paris Hilton confined to small cell most of the day, one has to wonder what she is doing to fill her day. She canâ€™t party, she canâ€™t corrupt other starlets like Britney Spears, she canâ€™t record crappy pop albums, she canâ€™t flash her nether regions for the entire world to see and she canâ€™t shoot smutty fast food commercials or even pose for photographers. Whatâ€™s a girl to do for a little fun to fill her days in the pokey? (and more importantly, has Paris become someone elseâ€™s â€˜Tinkerbellâ€™ in jail?)
Here are the top 8 things I think Paris Hilton should do to pass her time in jailâ€¦
1.Â Write a screenplay. She can follow my 31-day plan, The Lazy Bastardâ€™s Guide to Screenwriting: From Nothing to Genius in 31 Days. Or she can revert to the 21 day plan, you know, in case she gets out early for good behavior.
2.Â Plan a big party for when she gets released. Put Lindsay Lohan at the top of the guest list cause itâ€™s important to have someone that is more of a trainwreck than you are around â€“ it makes you look even better.
3.Â Find out about this blog and read it during the one hour of computer time that is allowed per day. Become a champion of the Team Tripe cause, thus securing my victory.
4.Â Get some canvas, some paint and add artist to the resume. Call the series something tragic sounding like â€˜The Jail Yearsâ€™ and sell them for a ridiculous amount of cash once out of jail.
5.Â Plan her comeback by checking in and out of several rehab facilities. All the cool kids are doing it!
6.Â Take up the cause of prisonerâ€™s rights, fashion rights that is. Stage rallies for softer fabrics and colors that are â€˜inâ€™ this season. Have Roberto Cavalli in the wings waiting for the all clear to begin working on designs.
7.Â Begin negotiations to sell this tragic story of a rich girl goes to jail with common criminals to the highest bidder. It will be your classic â€˜fish out of waterâ€™ Hollywood comedy, that will stay true to Hollywood formula and end with Paris falling for someone from the other side of the tracksâ€¦is this a co-ed prison? Or an all womenâ€™s prison?
8.Â Jumpstart a porn career with a sex tape from prison! Even better if it is girl-girl, as prison seems to be a popular setting for that. Who knew prison could make you so randy?!?
You know, they should really be filming her time in jail for The Simple Life. I mean, how real is it for a drunk to get caught driving when they arenâ€™t supposed to be and then end up in jail. Itâ€™s almost too perfect.