See Me Sell A Screenplay

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31 days to being famous – a 12 step plan

Since I am a lazy bastard and haven’t even completed my script that I set out to do in a month (see the part about being a lazy bastard), I decided that instead of working on said script I would give a shout out to John Gerard who is trying to be famous in 31 days. See, I found out about John’s quest from Joe, my fan club president that ran off to pimp his Faceaway Anti-Aging Spackle Cream® on QVC, and John is trying to be famous, for well, trying to be famous.

So, I have decided to help John out with a 12-step plan to being famous in 31 days. If he succeeds maybe he can throw a little shout out my way and gain me some supporters in my quest against Team Talent.

Screenwriting MoFo’s 12-step plan for being famous in 31 days:

  1. Get a pair of those really big, buy eye sunglasses – all the famous peeps have them
  2. Photoshop a pic of you into a pic with Paris Hilton and send it out to the tabloids and all over the net
  3. Check your self into Promises rehab
  4. Get on a reality show
  5. Find another media whore and pal up to take on the world – I suggest Kathy Griffin – for bonus points get matching shirts made that say ‘suck it
  6. Show up at the Emmy’s this weekend, dress sharp and have a bunch of laminated passes around your neck. If you act like you know where you are going, no one will stop you. Pose for photos with celebs.
  7. Or sweet talk a b-list celeb to be their date to the Emmy’s. If that doesn’t work try cash.
  8. Even better – hijack someone on the red carpet’s mic while they are interviewing a celeb. The footage of you being escorted away will certainly make you famous.
  9. Get into a fender bender with Lohan or Britney – that is sure to put you in the news
  10. If all else fails, post an embarrassing but hysterical video of your self on YouTube – bonus points if you are a fat guy singing real high
  11. Or commit a high profile crime that results in a police chase down a busy Los Angeles freeway
  12. Get kicked off a Southwest flight for being a Hooters waitress, I mean for wearing skanky clothes, I mean…oh nevermind, only douche bags fly Southwest. Instead, just try to get sued by someone famous. I say Tom Cruise cause he’s sue-happy and all you have to do is say you had a little Brokeback Mountain action with him. Cha-ching you’re famous bro!


  1. Hey thanks for the mention. Well I feel like kind of a d*ck now cause I haven’t been commenting on your site; however, I think we are of the same mold, as laziness and sarcasm is more pressing than blogger etiquette.

    Your twelve step plan is hilarious…and painfully accurate. Aside from beastility (which I still predict to be the next big thing in Hollywood), I think you covered all of the bases.

    I especially like #2, as I think it’ll be the most lazefficient. If this blog strike works out and I’m allowed to post again, I think that will be my next project (all creative rights and a residual cut of the proceeds will go to you).

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  2. the screenwriting mofo

    September 12, 2007 at 5:04 pm

    Yes, indeed we both are lazy bastards. Eh, whatcha gonna do?

    Maybe I should go on strike like you as an excuse to be lazy.

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