Since I am a lazy bastard and haven’t even completed my script that I set out to do in a month (see the part about being a lazy bastard), I decided that instead of working on said script I would give a shout out to John Gerard who is trying to be famous in 31 days. See, I found out about John’s quest from Joe, my fan club president that ran off to pimp his Faceaway Anti-Aging Spackle CreamÂ® on QVC, and John is trying to be famous, for well, trying to be famous.
So, I have decided to help John out with a 12-step plan to being famous in 31 days. If he succeeds maybe he can throw a little shout out my way and gain me some supporters in my quest against Team Talent.
Screenwriting MoFo’s 12-step plan for being famous in 31 days:
- Get a pair of those really big, buy eye sunglasses – all the famous peeps have them
- Photoshop a pic of you into a pic with Paris Hilton and send it out to the tabloids and all over the net
- Check your self into Promises rehab
- Get on a reality show
- Find another media whore and pal up to take on the world – I suggest Kathy Griffin – for bonus points get matching shirts made that say ‘suck it‘
- Show up at the Emmy’s this weekend, dress sharp and have a bunch of laminated passes around your neck. If you act like you know where you are going, no one will stop you. Pose for photos with celebs.
- Or sweet talk a b-list celeb to be their date to the Emmy’s. If that doesn’t work try cash.
- Even better – hijack someone on the red carpet’s mic while they are interviewing a celeb. The footage of you being escorted away will certainly make you famous.
- Get into a fender bender with Lohan or Britney – that is sure to put you in the news
- If all else fails, post an embarrassing but hysterical video of your self on YouTube – bonus points if you are a fat guy singing real high
- Or commit a high profile crime that results in a police chase down a busy Los Angeles freeway
- Get kicked off a Southwest flight for being a Hooters waitress, I mean for wearing skanky clothes, I mean…oh nevermind, only douche bags fly Southwest. Instead, just try to get sued by someone famous. I say Tom Cruise cause he’s sue-happy and all you have to do is say you had a little Brokeback Mountain action with him. Cha-ching you’re famous bro!