See Me Sell A Screenplay

movies 'n such

Breaking news: movies will continue to suck ass

After looking over the pre-strike list of films that are being fast-tracked due to the upcoming strike over at Cinematical, one thing jumps out at me. It is official. Movies will continue to suck ass in the immediate future. There is no escaping it.

Here’s the proof –

Punisher II  – why? the first one was balls. The only way this could be decent is if Laura Elena Harring is in it too.

Escape from New York – hello, remake

Escape from Witch Mountain – ditto

Big Momma’s House 3 – wtf?

Fantasy Island – tell me this isn’t based on the show

I Dream of Jeannie – this is going to ruin my childhood fantasies of Barbara Eden. On second thought I could totally see Sarah Michelle Gellar or Emma Caulfield as Jeannie.

The Birdcage 2 – does anyone care?

Fast & Furious 4 – this franchise should have stopped after the first one

Land of the Lost – another childhood favorite about to be ruined

There is one shiny title that really sticks out above the rest. Not only is it funny, but it is a great way to sum up the list of films.

Another Bullshit Night in Suck City.

3 Comments

  1. Emma Caulfield… hooray!

  2. I am in pre-production on a silent film sequel to The Fast and Furious 4 entitled “The Slow and Conscientious”.

    I am still casting for the lead, a vibrant 98 year old woman in a wheelchair who, while slow behind the wheel, still has an attitude and disdain for authority.

    Please submit headshots and resumes!

  3. the screenwriting mofo

    September 18, 2007 at 5:13 pm

    Ooh, count me in. To see it, not to audition.

    Btw, this will be the sleeper hit of the summer.

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