See Me Sell A Screenplay

movies 'n such

This screenwriting mofo is only selling one script

And that would be mine.

If you have just come across this swell site through a Google search for “sell a screenplay” then kudos to you for attempting to break into the Hollywood club. But let me stop you as I am not what you are searching for. You cannot send your script to me for me to try to sell. You need an agent for that. And I am not an agent. And how you become a Hollywood agent is a tightly guarded secret. Trust me, I have searched for it many times. The best I can tell is that you have to become a slave lapdog biotch ass-licker intern to some agent at some big agency like William Morris. Then you can become an agent if they let you. I’m telling you, they have ninjas or something guarding the info on how to become a Hollywood agent.

Now, from what I read, you can also just get a manager or a lawyer to submit your shit for you. But you end up needing an agent anyways so I say why pay out a percentage of your profits to three douche bags when you can just pay one, right?

Now, I am bringing all of this up because I just checked my email, which I haven’t done since sometime in August (July?) and I had this, from one Roland Flores,

when can i send my script

Ahh, dear Roland, my apologies for not responding to you sooner. See, I am a lazy bastard and didn’t check my email. If I had I would have responded sooner to your email you sent on August 28th. Of course, I see that on September 11 you canceled your subscription to this feed, so you’re not even reading this anyways. Wanker.

Maybe you just wrote some kickass script and wanted me to read it and share in your excitement. That’s cool. I can be down with that. But people, don’t send me an email and think my lazy ass is gonna read it anytime in the near future. Drop me a comment on a post. I see those every time I log in to hit you guys with a new post.

So please, send me your scripts. I will read them. You will get feedback from someone that has as much credibility as my good friend Gordy Hoffman or whatever his name is with BlueCat Screenwriting Lab. And I have a degree in English and Journalism, AND English is my native language. Plus I’ve read a gazillion screenwriting books. I will post about your scripts that you send me. Hilarity will ensue. But seriously, I won’t promise to be nice. I may even trash your script. Or I may crap my pants because you’re so damn good. Don’t you want a completely unbiased opinion?

Send your scripts for complete script coverage at no cost to:

Shawn the Screenwriting Mofo
1209 Hill Road North
#135
Pickerington, OH 43147

Go ahead, send ’em my way. I will give you a complete and honest review and I will post it here for everyone to see. And I won’t charge you for my expert services.  HollywoodLitSales charges $149 for basic script coverage and $249 for deluxe script coverage and screenwriting analysis. ScriptShark charges $155 for basic script coverage. Scriptapalooza charges $175 for regular coverage and $250 for development coverage.

Screenwriting MoFo offers script coverage and development coverage and screenwriting analysis for free.

As of today.

But if you slip us a fiver we won’t turn it down. Cash donations accepted – and put towards a copy of Final Draft. And towards future postage costs of sending out my script.

And if you want your script returned to you be sure to enclose a SASE with enough postage to get it back to you. I can’t guarantee that I won’t spill my coffee on your script though. And no need to get all fancy pants on me and put those expensive ass brads in to hold it together. Really. I’m trying to save you people money here. Just make sure your pages are numbered in case I drop them.

And Roland, I promise to check my email with more regularity.

1 Comment

  1. Just got back. I’m trying to read all the posts I missed without commenting but curiosity got the better of me and I googled “Roland Flores”. On page 2:

    See Me Sell A Screenplay
    “Your email won’t be left unread like the one from Roland Flores. Poor Roland. It was an accident. I’m really not a hater. please come back Roland. … ”

    I’m thinking maybe Roland Flores will google himself and be like “what the f*ck?” And then he’ll resubscribe to your blog. Score.

    I also think maybe the more times I type Roland Flores, maybe the better chances of him seeing this on page 1?

    What say you, Roland Flores?

    Disclaimer: I just drove 7 hours with one brief stop for gas on very little sleep, thus this comment is probably of even lower caliber than most of my comments. If not satisfied with my comment, please email me directly for a full refund.

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