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The 50 best breasts in Hollywood according to me

We saw the lame-ass list of the 50 best breasts in movie history according to Film Threat. They were a little wrong. Actually, I thought that they were a lot wrong. So, in the attempt of righting wrongs, I feel that it is my duty to make a real list of the 50 best breasts in Hollywood. And so I shall.

Here it is, Screenwriting MoFo’s 50 best breasts in Hollywood:

1. Laura Elena Harring

2. Angelina Jolie

3. Kate Winslet

4. Roselyn Sanchez

5. Monica Bellucci

6. Salma Hayek

7. Sofia Veraga

8. Jennifer Love Hewitt

9. Charisma Carpenter (who should totally be cast as Wonder Woman)

10. Emma Caulfield

11. Jennifer Tilly

12. Charlize Theron

13. Constance Marie

14. Clare Kramer

15. Vivica A. Fox

16. Ana Ortiz

17. Eva LaRue

18. Sarah Shahi

19. Kathryn Hahn

20. Paula Marshall

21. Catherine Zeta-Jones

22. Paula Abdul – she may be crazy as all get out, but she’s got some nice ta-ta’s

23. Kelly Preston (this begins the Scientology section of the list)

24. Kirstie Alley (this concludes the Scientology part of the list)

25. Halle Berry

Coming up with this list was surprisingly difficult. Who knew that there were so many women in Hollywood with not enough boobs? And then there are some people that just have too much in the ta-ta area, like Queen Latifah and Catherine Deneuve. Why can’t they take some of that and spread it around to those in need? I’d like to put a call out to start a fund for those in need of a ta-ta upgrade in Hollywood. Donors like Queen Latifah and Catherine Deneuve please assist. Here is the list of those in need of donors, they don’t need a lot, just a little help:

  1. Kate Beckinsale
  2. Angie Harmon
  3. Dina Meyer
  4. Poppy Montgomery


  1. This is frickin hilarious. Disturbingly I was expecting 50 names after reading the title.

  2. the screenwriting mofo

    October 17, 2007 at 8:31 pm

    I understand. See, ta-ta’s have a way of making something as simple as addition and subtraction rather difficult.

  3. Subtract the silicon inflated balloons of Hayek, Zeta-Jones, Harring, Hewitt, Jolie and probably a few of the others and you probably only have around 15 with natural mamms worth a damn.
    Now you shouldn’t forsake the ones not considered beauties, but still well blessed in the chest ham department…Rachel Dratch of SNL comes to mind.

  4. Diane Lane and Julia Ormond have them all beat

  5. Where is Jennifer Connelly?

  6. OMG LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!! i didnt get it i was like wtf where are fifty names then im like oh shit wait 50 BREASTS I GET IT!!!

  7. I hate to start any sort of conflict with Mudrake, or get into a breast debate like some sort of weird deviant but I gotta step up and defend some of these leading ladies. Salma Hayek, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Angelina Jolie all have 100% natural breasts. Watch any movies where they are topless and it is very obvious that they are real. It’s all in how the breasts lie on the chest and is especially clear when they are lying down. You are right about Laura Harring though.

  8. Uh… where’s Heather Graham? She could lead the list and yet she’s not even mentioned.

  9. rachel dratch ? Rachel Dratch ? OMG, don’t even mention her … If you’re looking for candidates from SNL, try Julia Sweeney or Cheri Oteri … then there’s Julie Brown (not the “downtown” one, the red head)

  10. hehe what did someone get drunk?

    Kate Winslet and Charlize Theron on it thats a joke neither should be in the 1,000 but in the top 25
    guy look up woman not boys playing woman

  11. You don’t have Jennifer Connelley?!! SERIOUSLY, MAN. Have you seen her topless shots–they’re PEEEERRRRFEEECCCTT!!!

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