yes, that is correct. I have the latest script by Team Talent all printed out. I printed it at work before leaving for the holiday break. I am off today, so I have plenty of time to read it. Currently it is still sitting in my backpack. But I have every intention of looking at it today. So that means script coverage. Muah hahahaha.
Oh, I have not forgotten my little competition with Team Talent. And it appears that team talent is talking some smack. Only one thing needs to be said about this smack talk. In fact, it was already said by team talent. So, I think I will just quote her…
And that, childrens, makes me a cranky little ho.
Well, the weekend is almost over and I have this to report. I am still lazy. I did not work on my script. I did not read Team Talent’s new script. So, I did not do the script coverage for that script.
What have I done?
I’ve been watching Angel, season 4. What can I say? I’m an addict.
There will be no beating Team Talent if my kickass script does not get finished.
Must. work. on. script.
Must. beat. Team. Talent.
Victory will be mine. I will sell my script before she does. I will laugh about it.Â Tripe will trump talent.
Okay. So, here’s the story….I’m sorta kinda still not finished with my screenplay, but I have a good excuse.
I haven’t worked on it. At all. In like forever.
See, that’s why I’m not finished. But I am feeling motivated. The Bourne Ultimatum kicked some ass when it came out, which confirmed for me that shitty action movies are the way to Hollywood’s cold little heart. So, instead of writing my Julie Strain’s ho’s stand-off against Lil’ Kim’s ho’s short, I will be slaving away at another shitty Hollywood action movie.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking:
“Screenwriting MoFo is a douchebag that can’t write a script. Thought it was gonna be easy, but looks like it’s not. Muah hahahaha.”
To that I say:
Piss off.Â Writing the filler part is a pain in my ass. But I’m not worried. Oh no. See, Team Talent has sent her little wanna-be Hollywood blockbuster out to one contest and to the Disney Fellowship. And that’s it. Other than that she’s been sitting on it. Waiting for it to hatch like all of the other finished scripts she doesn’t send out. So, I’m not worried. Remember that little kiddie story about the turtle and the hare? Slow and easy wins the race baby.
And now, I leave you with this thought….on the front page of Variety is a link to the Women’s Impact Report, a spotlight on the industry’s femme movers and shakers. I look at this and am struck my one thought –
There’s women in Hollywood that are movers and shakers? Where the hell are they hiding them?
As I have been writing these 14 pages of my script, I quickly discovered that it was considerably easier to write for the main character, which I had already said was inspired by David Caruso’s hideous acting “ability.” The easy solution to this problem is to think of actors in the other roles.
For the main chica, I chose Dina Meyer. She’s a bit of an underdog in the acting community. But she has spunk. And nice hair. And her most recent film had the words “Alien Seduction” in the title – you CANNOT go wrong with this one! And she is one of my girlfriend’s fave actress. And that kinda sucks cause Dina is in a lot of crappy movies that she clearly took just to pay the rent. I’m talking simulated blow job scenes here people. But on her behalf, she has had real jobs, like the Saw movies.
For the other main babe, I admit I had a bit of a problem thinking up someone. I knew I wanted it to be a blonde, but I’m really not that into blondes, so it was a difficult decision. Then it hit me. The only blonde actress I can think of that I find attractive.
Another main guy, the brother to the main chica character, came to me pretty quickly. I need a slacker type dude, but one that could seem nerdy at the same time. This guy came to mind immediately. I didn’t know his name (apparently it’s Seth Rogen), I just knew I loved him on Freaks & Geeks. Of course, he is in a Hollywood romantic comedy now, which lowers his cool factor. So, this kid from Accepted in a nice alternative. Even though he is in the same Hollywood romantic comedy. Cripes.
So, those are the peeps I have in my head when I’m writing. At least for 4 of the roles. And did I mention that there are 9 peeps in the heist crew? Yeah. Need to think of more peeps.
It’s the bottom of the 9th, bases are loaded, and I’m at bat – 2 strikes, 3 balls….what’s going to happen? This is how it was looking for me yesterday. So what is going to happen? I’ll tell you what, I’m hitting that damn ball outta the park, that’s what.
I have an idea. A complete idea. An entire movie. Start, finish, and everything in between. It is tripe all the way, and it is going to stomp all over team talent.
Intrigued yet? No?
It’s a mix of oceans 11, bond, italian job, mission impossible and fast & furious with a splash of goonies.
How about now?
Get ready to place your bets – team tripe vs. team talent
Yes, that’s right. I just made a little trip to the library for some screenwriting books, and now, I’m armed and dangerous.
First up on the reading list, Save the Cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting You’ll Ever Need by Blake Snyder. To be followed up with The Screenwriter’s Workbook by Syd Field. And I got like 4 other books too, but they’re in my car cause they’re too fat to get away with reading at work.
Here’s my prediction. I will speed through these books, mostly at work because I am a slacker to the extreme, then I will speed through the others in the next day or so. I’m a fast reader. And I need to hurry cause it’s what, day 7? already and for the most part, I’m still kind of lacking the whole idea thing. So, maybe I don’t have an idea, but I’m still confident that my absent idea will still beat the pants off of Riley’s script. And I’ve read hers. It’s a damn good story. But it’s too long.
See, I did an audit of it this weekend. I was looking to see if she hit all her markers, you know got the stuff she needed to on the pages she needed to. For the most part, she surprisingly did. But the script is around 150 pages.
On Friday, I read somewhere that the unwritten rule is to try to come in at around 114 pages. She’s got some trimming to do, but she doesn’t want to trim. I’ve already commissioned the painter for the gigantic painting of me with my victory trophy, which will hang over our mantle as a reminder of my supremacy in all things tripe.
The 11th Annual Hollywood Pitch Fest is sponsored by Fade In magazine. And it occurs in July. July 21-22 to be exact. That gives me an extra month to polish my perfect little screenplay. Of course, this one comes in at $395. Ouch.
We should most definitely do one of these. Then I can have my glory sooner rather than later.
So, I got an email today from the Writer’s Store about the upcoming Great American Pitch Fest. I almost deleted it. Then I thought, this could be an easy way for me to stomp my girlfriend in our competition.
So, I looked at the info. It’s on June 23rd & 24th. And it costs $250. So, $500 for the both of us for those of you that are bad at math. My current schedule of having a script in 31 days puts me finishing up on June 14th. The question is, can I really have a screenplay ready to sell by the 23rd of June? If so, it would be so easy to kick her ass. I’m going to run it by her and see what she thinks.