Writing a horror film? Yeah, me neither. But apparently there’s a nifty little competition coming up if you can crank one out real quick.

Here’s the info:

7th Annual Screamfest Horror Film Festival & Screenplay Competition takes place Oct. 12th – 21st at the prestigious Grauman’s Mann Chinese 6 at Hollywood and Highland in the heart of Hollywood. Call for Entries deadlines are approaching for new horror feature films, shorts and feature length screenplays. FINAL Film submission deadline is August 15th. FINAL Screenplay submission deadline is August 15th. Winning screenplay receives $1,000 cash and Movie Magic software. Screamfest is sponsored by Boost Mobile and Write Brothers, Inc.

Prize is kinda lame. But so are most “horror” movies.

I can think of two easy ways to make it not so lame though.

  1. They could drop the “s” and make it the “Creamfest Horror Film Festival & Screenplay Competition.”I mean, how many porn horror films have there got to be each year? And it’s doesn’t have to be porn-porn, just anything with Julie Strain in it and a horror script would be fine. I notice that the tagline on her official site is “Six foot one and worth the climb” but with titles like “Tales from the Crapper” on her IMDB it kinda puts the kibosh on the whole sex appeal factor. Of course I’m certain there are some movie gems that aren’t listed on her IMDB as I can’t imagine they put porn titles on there. I wonder if there is a porn movie equivalent of IMDB?
  2. The other idea I had is actually quite similar. They could rename the competition the “Screamfest Ho Film Festival & Screenplay Competition.” Of course, when I say that I still have Julie Strain in mind but all the Lil’ Kim’s of the world are gonna think I’m referring to them and then I picture a Westside Story-ish stand-off of the real ho’s led by Julie Strain facing off with the other ho’s led by Lil’ Kim. Actually, I think I’ve just hit upon a brilliantly funny idea for a short. But I’m a lazy bastard, so if you steal it and make it at least give me some props. And send me a copy cause I bet it will be some funny ass shit.

Anyways, if you have written a real horror film and think that $1,000 is a swell prize for all your sweat and tears and $60 entry fee (plus $2.00 processing fee if you pay by credit card) then please, by all means, hit up the contest site. And if you win, buy me a copy of final draft bitches and send it my way.